Enough is enough!

I completely and totally dropped the ball when it came to answering all of the questions that you, my kind readers, asked when I hosted my first blog giveaway (way back in, um, November!)

I want to get back to answering your questions and so, tonight, I'll give it my best shot. It's New Year's Eve and I can not move into 2010 (that's twenty-ten) without taking care of this unfinished business! Plus, my birthday is in three short weeks and I'd like to have another giveaway. Can NOT do that without wrapping this one up, first.

My plan is threefold:

1.) Create this post, with all* of your questions listed.

2.) Answer the questions over the next couple of days, re-publishing the same post as I go along.

3.) I'm not going to write about anything else until I end this thing!!

*There were so many great questions that require really thoughtful answers that I a.) omitted my sisters' questions all together (for time's sake) and b.) only answered one of your questions if you asked two. Erin and Lora. Ahem.

And so, Kris asked: I've gathered from old posts that you have a large family and some siblings that are adopted. Can you tell us more about that?

(My family)

My answer: I'm going to cheat a bit and refer back to a post that I wrote just about a year ago. I found it today when I was looking back at January, 2009... It was our referral month and this time of year holds lots of adoption memories for me. I can not believe how quickly time has passed... Either way, Kris, this post will tell you a little bit about my family.

Shelley asked: What was hardest for you... Going from one child to two, or two to three? And why?

My answer: Going from zero children to one was by. far. (I can not emphasize that enough) the most difficult transition of my life. I remember my sister Jessica making the comment, when Theo was just a week or so old, that he'd aged me 10 years in less than 10 days... I have never experienced more joy or more pain, more guilt or more pride, more love or more frustration with any other milestone in my life than I did when my first son was born.

When I became a Mama for the very first time.

(Theo and baby Emmett)

Now, I realize that wasn't one of my options and so, if forced to choose between going from one child to two OR from two to three, I would have to say that adding Emmett to our threesome was much more difficult, initially, than adding Rubin to our foursome. Emmett was a very. difficult. (I can not emphasize that enough, either) newborn. And Rubin's transition to home has been a dream. I guess I am speaking, specifically, about sleep, which is a huge deal for new moms, right??

If I were to consider how the next oldest child adjusted to the addition, however, I would have to say that Theo eased into being a big brother much more easily than poor Emmett has. We still struggle with big brotherhood on a daily basis.

Anne asked: What is your best and worst moment as a mom so far?

My answer: Oooooo Anne, this is a tough question.

Without a doubt I would have to say that my best moments as a mom were the instances that I became a mom to each of my sons. There are no words to describe the way that a woman feels the first time she gets her hands on her child, wouldn't you agree? I will never forget my first minutes with Theo, Emmett, and Rubin.

When I consider my worst moment my mind takes two paths. 1.) Worst as in most painful/gut-wrenching or 2.) Worst as in most pathetic/embarrassing. Sadly, I could make a list a mile long of mommy moments that I am not proud of. I hate to think of how often Emmett's strong-will takes a stab at my patience and how frequently Theo's contemplativeness, well, takes a stab at my patience, too!! I wish with all of my might sometimes that I was less Type-A, more go with the flow... less neat freak, more "it is what it is." But I'm not. No matter how hard I try. And I think my need to be in control of my little castle at all times has caused some of my worst moments as a mom.

Now, my most painful or gut-wrenching mommy moment came right after Theo was born... having to leave him in the hospital for a few days after I was discharged because of some minor health issues, "failing" at breast feeding him. Not only my worst moment as a mama, but some of the most difficult moments of my life.

Shellyct asked: Any suggestions for helping big brother handle the transition (of having baby brother come home from Korea)?

My answer: First of all, Shelly, I am hopeful that baby brother has already made his way home... I don't know for certain whether or not you blog (I will have to do some searching now...) and I am anxious for an update. Either way, I'll answer your questions, all the while prayerful that you guys have been transitioning quite nicely all on your own.

Do you know those "Who loves baby" photo books that everyone buys, sticks their photos in, and sends off to Korea for their little ones?? Our family received one from my sister just after Rubin came home, and I quickly filled it with photos of everyone here who not only love him but his brothers, as well. The first month that Rubin was home, I think we looked at those pictures together every single day. Constantly reminding them (especially Emmett) that they were completely and totally loved.

Just after we got our referral I made copies of all of our pictures of Rubin and put them in little plastic albums for both Theo and Emmett to handle as they wished. We looked at them together constantly and talked about our baby brother who was waiting for Mama in Korea. Obviously, we spoke of him non-stop and told Theo and Emmett everything that we knew about him, in little boy terms. We filled them in, every step of the way.

We read some books on adoption, like When You Were Born in Korea by Brian Boyd, William Is My Brother by Jane Schnitter, and Seeds of Love by Mary Ebejer Petertyl.

When I traveled I sent tons of photos and videos home for Dave to watch with the boys, to get them ready for our arrival.

(OH.MY.GOSH. Shelly, exactly as I was typing this response I got your message. HOORAY!!!! So happy for you and your boys. Keep me posted!!)

Christine asked: What do you think is the hardest part about being a mom?

My answer: Oh, Christine. Let's see...

Breakfast time? Or, wait, maybe lunch or dinner time? Nap time? Bed time? The middle of the night, when everyone decides to get up all at once?

Okay, I'm being a little bit silly. But I do think it's all hard. I've heard a lot of moms say this, and I'll admit it, too... Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've had days (more days than not recently, to be completely honest) that it so hard I just cry. Or I laugh hysterically, because I am all cried out...

Something that I've been struggling with lately is remembering that I have three individual sons.

Theo.

Emmett.

Rubin.

Your first child gets all sorts of undivided attention. But when you have number two... AND THEN three... within such a short period... Well, sometimes I feel like I'm lumping them all together and not spending much time on what each of them needs on their own. Unique to who they are. I need to do a better job of fostering, in each of them, who they are.

And that's hard. Because they are all so different.

Does that make any sense?

erin beaver asked: Now that you have a different perspective on parenting, what are some things you've gained a new respect for in terms of YOUR mother?

My answer: Ok, Beaver, I decided to go with your second questions instead. I just couldn't, for the life of me, do justice to the boob job/tummy tuck inquiry. Just you wait. Your time will come.

Above and beyond all other things, I would have to say that, as a mom, I stand in awe of the fact that my own mother had SEVEN CHILDREN. Even more so, the fact that her four oldest children are all within FIVE YEARS in age... ugh.

I shudder at the thought.

Lora asked: What is one thing you wish you had time for in your day or week? And then what one thing could you reasonably cut out to replace it with?

My answer: Just one thing I wish I had tome for, Lora?!

In all seriousness, the very first answer that popped into my head when I read your question was "time with my husband."

And at this point in our lives, there isn't much that we can reasonably cut out to replace it with. We work opposite shifts to take care of the boys, and our weekends very rarely fall on the same days. When they do, we try to optimize our time as a family. In the past couple of months, however, I'm starting to realize that Dave and I need to do a better job of just making time for us on our days off. And that's going to mean getting a babysitter for a couple of hours here and there. It's one of my New Year's resolutions.

Sue asked: Where does the red hair come from?

My answer: Less than 4 percent of the world population has naturally red hair, and in the United States the portion is less than 2 percent. Most of the world's red heads exist in the U.K., Ireland, and Australia... and Emmett's maternal great grandmother was both a redhead and born and raised in Australia.

His Papa has red hair (when he actually lets it grow.)

And there is some red hair on my side of the family, too. My mom's dad and her brothers: redheads.

Also, fyi, a 2002 study showed that redheads are harder to sedate than any other people, requiring 20 percent more anesthesia. Good to know, in case Emmett's behavior ever requires that I knock him out...

Greta asked: What is one thing you wish you would have done before having kids that you didn't?

My answer: Simply stated, I wish Dave and I would have lived a little longer as a married couple before we had our children. I read your blog, Greta, and it makes me kind of sad that Dave and I will have to wait to do some of the things that you and Nate are doing now until Rubin is 18... Oh, except for the whole Branson thing. I think we'll skip that one all together.

Krista asked: How have you found parenting to differ (if at all) from Emmett and Theo to Rubin? And, what is your all time FAVORITE book?

My answer: Another really great question that has caused me to pause, multiple times, and consider...

I can honestly tell you, Krista, that I do parent Rubin differently than I parent Emmett and Theo. And I parent Emmett differently than I parent Rubin and Theo. And... you probably get the picture.

Actually, I wish I was better at parenting them each in a way that was specific to their own little personalities, temperaments, needs... (see my answer to Christine's question, above.) But there are only so many hours in a day, right?

I find it difficult to draw any comparisons. Even though Emmett and Theo both came to me by birth and Rubin by adoption... each beginning is completely it's own. And the relationships that I have with each of them are just as different as the color of hair on their heads. All things considered.

And, my all time favorite book is Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood. Have you read it?

Greta and Becca's Uncle Todd asked: What will your action/response be when the first boy gets his first sports cup and turns to one of the other brothers with legs spread and says "kick me"...

My answer: It's quite simple, Uncle Todd. My response will be, "Daaaaaaaave!!! Get in here and take care of YOUR sons!"

Michelle asked: Little Rubin, how do you keep up with your older brothers?

My answer: Michelle, have you seen the movie Cars? Are you familiar with Tow Mader, and his uncanny ability to drive backwards? That's our Rubin.

Wordless Wednesday...

refers to written words, right? The spoken words in a video don't count, do they?

Well, in my version, they don't.

This one's for you, Aunt Casey.

Let the truth be told, on Tuesday.

I wasn't going to pen this post.

The old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" has been ringing in my ears like Christmas bells since, well... Christmas.

But I figured, heck. It's Tuesday.

So, let the truth be told.

The truth is:

Our Christmas sucked.

I hesitated when writing that sentence, full well knowing that some reader somewhere out there would probably think to him or herself she should be thankful for what she has or she doesn't know how good she has it or even that whole there are starving children in Africa bit.

I get it. All of the above. And I know it.

But my Christmas didn't go as planned, and I'm entitled to complain a bit. This is my blog, after all.

So, I'm going to continue to stew over it here, for just a little while longer.

I'll get back to writing about some of the good stuff when I have something nice to say.

But for now, I'm biting my tongue.

Wordless Wednesday, part two: It's FINAL!!

I loved hearing the judge call Rubin

"Mr. Woobin Kim" this morning.

But not as much as I loved it when he called him

Rubin Andrew S______, our son.

Not as much as I loved it when he told him

that Dave and I are officially his parents,

at the same time recognizing that,

although it's finalized,

we've probably felt like a family for some time now.

Not probably, Your Honor.

Absolutely.

Wordless Wednesday, part one

This week, in our kitchen...

Christmas cookies

soft chewy caramels

(lots of hugs and kisses)

lemon glazed coins

soup on the stove

(snacks on the rug, Aunt Helen style)

O*reo truffles

pecan snowballs

mint m*&ms

(and thoughts of norbyah)

spoons for licking

sticky fingers

talking about Santa Claus

and baby Jesus

(counting down the days.)

self portrait

Did I hear somebody say CHRISTMAS?!

This morning we gathered into our packed church for Theo, Gabe, and Lucy's annual school Christmas concert. This year's theme was

What's Christmas All About Anyway? A Charlie Brown Christmas

and it was wonderful.

Of course, I cried when Theo's 4-year-old kindergarden class performed their hit,

This Little Light of Mine

I just love the half-sing/half-shout thing they have going on.

I also loved their halos...

Rubin managed to keep himself occupied throughout

the hour long concert by

1.) flirting with the woman who was sitting behind us

2.) trying on Mama's mittens and sunglasses and

3.) dancing with his cousin Nora in the aisles.

Emmett was pretty content just to sit on his Papa's lap and listen.

I was happy to get this photo when all of the singing was done.

I can't wait to see what the next 13 years of

Christmas concerts at St. D's has in store for these cousins.

Some magic...

for you, Christine.

And for everyone who needs a little reminder about what is really important in life, not just during the Christmas season. Little ol' me included.

Just try and read this without turning into a puddle of mush!

Thank you, Norbyah, for being you.

For being an incredible mother, teacher, friend.

I love you, and I miss you terribly this Christmas.

(Norbyah and I, Ella and Emmett.

Stanley Beach, Hong Kong. 2007)

Wordless Wednesday

Yogurt. Everywhere.

Bird is the word.

Meet Sky, the parakeet who lives in Theo's classroom.

We volunteered to bring him home with us for the weekend.

His mere presence helped Rubin to master, with lots of practice, his developing word for bird- bur-bee.

If you've been with us for a while, you might already know that we are a bit of a bird-watching family. (Kris, I refuse to show my husband the photo of you banding the Hooded Warbler, for fear that he might fall in love!)

For a little more follow up, you might want to read this. And, keep yourself tuned in after the holidays, as my husband begins gathering discarded Christmas trees from our neighbors' curbs to build bird shelter in our backyard... Never embarrassing.

Anyway, up until this point, we've spent a lot of time loving ourselves some birds... of the outdoor variety. But I would be lying if I (not a huge fan of indoor pets) said that I didn't enjoy Sky. I've enjoyed her singing and swinging and flapping for the past few days.

The boys clearly have, too.

Unfortunately, I think I might be allergic to our fine feathered friend.

Who's naughty or nice?

Another day, another question.

I think that, since Santa is probably in the thick of making his "list," this question is pretty appropriate...

Christine asked: I feel like your boys have some "naughty" in them. What's the most deliciously naughty thing they've done? (Either as a team or solo.) If there are too many to choose from, you can just give me the most recent!

My answer to this question didn't come as easily as one might think... because I honestly think Theo, Emmett, and Rubin are the naughtiest (at times) AND the nicest little boys I know.

I considered asking one of my sisters to "guest post" and respond to this inquiry for me... but I was afraid that Aunt Casey might bring up the time Theo and Emmett "tried" to kill Rubin by smothering him with a down blanket (it was really just a matter of perspective, that's all...) and I decided to give it a go on my own.

This morning, while I was making breakfast, I heard Theo and Emmett talking to one another in muffled voices about their peepers. (This is our word for their private parts, folks.)

Anyway, the conversation in and of itself, while a little less than desirable, wasn't naughty. It was the location that they chose to meet on the topic...

Tucked into my hutch. Doors closed. They stayed like this forever.

The naughtiest I can do is give you a list of some of the day-to-day shenanigans that Dave and I deal with around here. I know that most of my mommy readers can relate:

They are constantly getting. into. EVERYthing. Putting their little hands (all six of them) and their little noses everywhere they don't belong. In every cabinet and cupboard. Pulling socks from drawers (just for the mess of it) and clothes off of the hangers in closets (to create little nests.) "Organizing" our DVD collection, "rearranging" the furniture. Making hey-messes (our name for a pile of all of the couch cushions and pillows in the middle of the living room.) Sticking up my windows (I think I wash them close to 40 hours each week. I have issues, I know this.)

I feel like it's going to be a terribly long winter.

But, on the bright side, at least it hasn't gotten any worse than this?

Yet. (sigh.)

I'm sure I'll share when it gets deliciously naughty, Christine.

Again, I guess you'll have to keep on reading.

Super Rubin

My baby boy turned 18 months old yesterday.

His year-and-a-half birthday.

Six months until he's two.

I can not believe that Rubin has been home now for over 7 months. I've been looking back lately, through my blog posts from last year. December of 2008. Waiting on Rubin.

I can hardly believe that, come the end of January, it will already be one whole year since we received our referral. As with most things when it comes to this boy, it feels like so. long. ago. and so... new. All at the same time.

Of course, none of his big days (or his little days) pass without my thoughts ending up in Korea. With his first moms. Constantly wishing I could share little bits of him with them through more than an occasional letter, package, photograph...

Like the way that his language is starting to develop.

I met him just days before he turned 10 months old, and already he had almost 10 Korean words: Mama and Papa, brother and sister, book, ball, park, swing, dog...

Now, his English words are finally starting to surface. "Mama" and "Papa" have been around for a while now. But recently baby, and ba-ba (for bottle) and bye-bye. Birdie. Pup-pup (for Emmett's doggie) and Hupy (for Hoopy, his own.) I can't wait for the day he calls his brothers by their names.

So, at Diana's recent (as in, while I was writing this) request and in response to Elizabeth's giveaway question:

"Is three your limit, or will there be more little ones?"

My answer:

With all of the growing up that's been going on around here, I can't help but think about adding another baby to our family.

You would absolutely wonder why when, on any given day you might hear me OR Dave say

1.) Why didn't we stop at 1?

2.) Can't they live at your mom's house?

3.) Whose idea was this, anyway???

I'm always surprised, then, when I hear one of us (usually my husband) suggest that we try one more time. Most recently when he was holding my friend Katie's baby girl,

tossing her into the air.

(Note his "you know you want a little girl" stare... I'm fairly certain he spoke those words, too.)

I can tell you this much:

After my nephew Sam was born my sister-in-law ached for years to be pregnant again, to have another baby. She couldn't pass a pregnant belly without 1) wanting to touch it/rub it/snuggle it or 2) busting into tears. When I was expecting Emmett I tried to treat every moment, every milestone of my pregnancy like it was the last time. I can pass pregnant women on the street in peace.

Now, when I hear about or read a new referral story, like Kelly and Jon's and Michele and Stefan's, for instance, something completely different happens to me. I want to get our S.W. on the phone and get the paperwork rolling, asap. I feel the urge to get fingerprinted. Stalking the NVC to find out if we are P3 sounds like a blast!! And traveling to Korea again? Oh, don't get me started!!

And so, Elizabeth (and Diana, because I know you wanted to know if my three might turn into four...) my answer right now has to be:

I just don't know.

But it feels like I'm constantly, lately, looking for the answer.

O, Christmas Tree...

You are officially standing in your spot of wonder in our living room.

Your bows are brightly lit, your branches carefully decorated.

I will do everything in my power to protect you from the boys.

Here's to hoping you see the light of day on Christmas morning.

Wordless Wednesday

Full.

I wrote this post last December, just two days after Christmas...

and I was reminded of it last night

as I hung our Christmas stockings on the mantle.

All five of them.

You have questions, I have answers!

Question #2

courtesy of Kelly!!

Kelly asked:

How do you manage to find time to be an awesome mama AND also find the time to hang out with girlfriends and be a runner?? (No sleep required?)

My answer:

Well, um, first off...

"an awesome mama" is an incredibly kind description, Kelly.

And, as I do have my moments of awesomeness (not afraid to admit it...), I have just. as. many. (if not more) of absolute disgrace. disgustingness. discombobulation. (Not afraid to admit that, either....)

Now, to get to your question. My answer is really, quite simple.

I have Dave.

This wonderful husband and father who puts in just as much around here (if not more, at times) than I do. I can honestly say that I do not know any other fathers like him. We work opposite shifts, which means that Dave is at home and on his own with our 3 boys just as much as I am. And, with my marathon training meaning LONG runs on the weekends, his time one-on-3 with Theo, Emmett, and Rubin has been magnified. multiplied. mad.

Dave never says no to me. And so, if I want to do a race or spend time with my girlfriends (usually I am able to do both at the same time!) my husband usually not only encourages me to go for it but does everything in his power to make it happen.

My answer:

This incredible man.

You have questions, I have answers!

Question #1

is from our very first This Family Squish Giveaway prize winner, Catherine.

(I put your books in the mail, today!!)

Catherine asked: Well, since sleep (and the lack of it) is my favorite topic these days, I'd like to know if you have any helpful tips for getting Daniel to sleep through the night?

My answer:

Oh, Catherine.

Let me say this, first:

I am hoping that the sleep situation has improved at your house this week.

One thing I have learned during my 4 years and almost 8 months of motherhood is that I worry about and work on one issue only to have it resolve itself. And suddenly, I'm faced with an entirely different struggle. Ah, motherhood.

So, while I am wishing that in the past few days Daniel has fallen into a great sleep pattern, I know how unrealistic that might be, and so I will offer you this:

I was NOT BLESSED with good sleepers in Theo and Emmett (my sisters can attest to this fact.) Neither of them slept through the night consistently until they were WELL into their 2nd year of life. You name it, I tried it: co-sleeping, swaddling, heartbeat bears, music, night lights, white noise, yada, yada, yada...

I remember the first night I let Theo, my oldest, cry it out like it was yesterday. It was Christmas Eve of 2005. He was 8 months old and still waking MULTIPLE TIMES (like, 4 or 5) every. single. NIGHT. I would get him to sleep with little to no effort and 45 minutes later, like clockwork, he would be awake. Wanting to eat. Wanting to visit. Wanting to play. I had had enough. My husband was working 2nd shift and I was always handling it on my own.

I couldn't take it anymore.

And so, I armed myself with my iP*od and when the crying began, I blasted it.

The Indigo Girls, I think.

He cried for about 30 minutes before falling asleep. And he only woke up TWICE that night (it was heavenly.)

The next night it happened again. But he only cried for about 5 minutes and only woke up ONCE. With letting him cry it out, I got rid of that first wake up (right after he first went down...) and limited his night waking substantially.

Like I said, he didn't start sleeping ALL THE WAY through the night consistently until he was about 18 months old. And Emmett, too, was well over a year... And, to this day we STILL go through periods of sleeplessness. Still with Theo, and with Emmett.

Enter, Rubin. Rubinski. The Big Rub-owski.

I am not sure what I did to deserve such an amazing little snoozer.

But I got him.

And I haven't had to think much, at all, about solving sleep problems for my (adopted) child. I know that, if I had to, I would have SO MUCH MORE to consider than I did when I was struggling with Theo and Emmett. I can face it: this is one area where my parenting would HAVE to be a little bit different.

At least for a while.

But I haven't had to go there.

Rubin had about a 4 week adjustment period when we got home from Korea. He has slept exceptionally well ever since. 11-12 hours each night. And now he is down to just one nap each afternoon, that usually lasts between 1.5 and 3 hours. (I realize that I risk alienation from many other moms to toddlers with this last paragraph. But heck, Catherine asked!)

So, without further ado.

These are two books that I found to be extremely helpful when we were less than rested around here. They are very, very different. But I used bits and pieces from each one. I found advice in both places that proved to be helpful, at times. And comforting, at others.

What I learned through all of our sleep issues (and our breast-feeding issues, and our eating issues, and every issue that we face on a DAILY BASIS) is that each of us (parents) just needs to do the best that we can do for our children. Leave judgment at the door.

And, if it's any comfort, I CAN tell you that my mom let ALL OF HER CHILDREN cry it out at some point during our childhoods. Her bio AND her adopted babies. Because she probably got to a point (I know that I did with Theo and Emmett) where it was either A) let them cry or B) throw them out the window.

And we've all (all 7 of us) turned out fairly normal. Right, sisters? (twitch, twitch)