Enough is enough!

I completely and totally dropped the ball when it came to answering all of the questions that you, my kind readers, asked when I hosted my first blog giveaway (way back in, um, November!)

I want to get back to answering your questions and so, tonight, I'll give it my best shot. It's New Year's Eve and I can not move into 2010 (that's twenty-ten) without taking care of this unfinished business! Plus, my birthday is in three short weeks and I'd like to have another giveaway. Can NOT do that without wrapping this one up, first.

My plan is threefold:

1.) Create this post, with all* of your questions listed.

2.) Answer the questions over the next couple of days, re-publishing the same post as I go along.

3.) I'm not going to write about anything else until I end this thing!!

*There were so many great questions that require really thoughtful answers that I a.) omitted my sisters' questions all together (for time's sake) and b.) only answered one of your questions if you asked two. Erin and Lora. Ahem.

And so, Kris asked: I've gathered from old posts that you have a large family and some siblings that are adopted. Can you tell us more about that?

(My family)

My answer: I'm going to cheat a bit and refer back to a post that I wrote just about a year ago. I found it today when I was looking back at January, 2009... It was our referral month and this time of year holds lots of adoption memories for me. I can not believe how quickly time has passed... Either way, Kris, this post will tell you a little bit about my family.

Shelley asked: What was hardest for you... Going from one child to two, or two to three? And why?

My answer: Going from zero children to one was by. far. (I can not emphasize that enough) the most difficult transition of my life. I remember my sister Jessica making the comment, when Theo was just a week or so old, that he'd aged me 10 years in less than 10 days... I have never experienced more joy or more pain, more guilt or more pride, more love or more frustration with any other milestone in my life than I did when my first son was born.

When I became a Mama for the very first time.

(Theo and baby Emmett)

Now, I realize that wasn't one of my options and so, if forced to choose between going from one child to two OR from two to three, I would have to say that adding Emmett to our threesome was much more difficult, initially, than adding Rubin to our foursome. Emmett was a very. difficult. (I can not emphasize that enough, either) newborn. And Rubin's transition to home has been a dream. I guess I am speaking, specifically, about sleep, which is a huge deal for new moms, right??

If I were to consider how the next oldest child adjusted to the addition, however, I would have to say that Theo eased into being a big brother much more easily than poor Emmett has. We still struggle with big brotherhood on a daily basis.

Anne asked: What is your best and worst moment as a mom so far?

My answer: Oooooo Anne, this is a tough question.

Without a doubt I would have to say that my best moments as a mom were the instances that I became a mom to each of my sons. There are no words to describe the way that a woman feels the first time she gets her hands on her child, wouldn't you agree? I will never forget my first minutes with Theo, Emmett, and Rubin.

When I consider my worst moment my mind takes two paths. 1.) Worst as in most painful/gut-wrenching or 2.) Worst as in most pathetic/embarrassing. Sadly, I could make a list a mile long of mommy moments that I am not proud of. I hate to think of how often Emmett's strong-will takes a stab at my patience and how frequently Theo's contemplativeness, well, takes a stab at my patience, too!! I wish with all of my might sometimes that I was less Type-A, more go with the flow... less neat freak, more "it is what it is." But I'm not. No matter how hard I try. And I think my need to be in control of my little castle at all times has caused some of my worst moments as a mom.

Now, my most painful or gut-wrenching mommy moment came right after Theo was born... having to leave him in the hospital for a few days after I was discharged because of some minor health issues, "failing" at breast feeding him. Not only my worst moment as a mama, but some of the most difficult moments of my life.

Shellyct asked: Any suggestions for helping big brother handle the transition (of having baby brother come home from Korea)?

My answer: First of all, Shelly, I am hopeful that baby brother has already made his way home... I don't know for certain whether or not you blog (I will have to do some searching now...) and I am anxious for an update. Either way, I'll answer your questions, all the while prayerful that you guys have been transitioning quite nicely all on your own.

Do you know those "Who loves baby" photo books that everyone buys, sticks their photos in, and sends off to Korea for their little ones?? Our family received one from my sister just after Rubin came home, and I quickly filled it with photos of everyone here who not only love him but his brothers, as well. The first month that Rubin was home, I think we looked at those pictures together every single day. Constantly reminding them (especially Emmett) that they were completely and totally loved.

Just after we got our referral I made copies of all of our pictures of Rubin and put them in little plastic albums for both Theo and Emmett to handle as they wished. We looked at them together constantly and talked about our baby brother who was waiting for Mama in Korea. Obviously, we spoke of him non-stop and told Theo and Emmett everything that we knew about him, in little boy terms. We filled them in, every step of the way.

We read some books on adoption, like When You Were Born in Korea by Brian Boyd, William Is My Brother by Jane Schnitter, and Seeds of Love by Mary Ebejer Petertyl.

When I traveled I sent tons of photos and videos home for Dave to watch with the boys, to get them ready for our arrival.

(OH.MY.GOSH. Shelly, exactly as I was typing this response I got your message. HOORAY!!!! So happy for you and your boys. Keep me posted!!)

Christine asked: What do you think is the hardest part about being a mom?

My answer: Oh, Christine. Let's see...

Breakfast time? Or, wait, maybe lunch or dinner time? Nap time? Bed time? The middle of the night, when everyone decides to get up all at once?

Okay, I'm being a little bit silly. But I do think it's all hard. I've heard a lot of moms say this, and I'll admit it, too... Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've had days (more days than not recently, to be completely honest) that it so hard I just cry. Or I laugh hysterically, because I am all cried out...

Something that I've been struggling with lately is remembering that I have three individual sons.

Theo.

Emmett.

Rubin.

Your first child gets all sorts of undivided attention. But when you have number two... AND THEN three... within such a short period... Well, sometimes I feel like I'm lumping them all together and not spending much time on what each of them needs on their own. Unique to who they are. I need to do a better job of fostering, in each of them, who they are.

And that's hard. Because they are all so different.

Does that make any sense?

erin beaver asked: Now that you have a different perspective on parenting, what are some things you've gained a new respect for in terms of YOUR mother?

My answer: Ok, Beaver, I decided to go with your second questions instead. I just couldn't, for the life of me, do justice to the boob job/tummy tuck inquiry. Just you wait. Your time will come.

Above and beyond all other things, I would have to say that, as a mom, I stand in awe of the fact that my own mother had SEVEN CHILDREN. Even more so, the fact that her four oldest children are all within FIVE YEARS in age... ugh.

I shudder at the thought.

Lora asked: What is one thing you wish you had time for in your day or week? And then what one thing could you reasonably cut out to replace it with?

My answer: Just one thing I wish I had tome for, Lora?!

In all seriousness, the very first answer that popped into my head when I read your question was "time with my husband."

And at this point in our lives, there isn't much that we can reasonably cut out to replace it with. We work opposite shifts to take care of the boys, and our weekends very rarely fall on the same days. When they do, we try to optimize our time as a family. In the past couple of months, however, I'm starting to realize that Dave and I need to do a better job of just making time for us on our days off. And that's going to mean getting a babysitter for a couple of hours here and there. It's one of my New Year's resolutions.

Sue asked: Where does the red hair come from?

My answer: Less than 4 percent of the world population has naturally red hair, and in the United States the portion is less than 2 percent. Most of the world's red heads exist in the U.K., Ireland, and Australia... and Emmett's maternal great grandmother was both a redhead and born and raised in Australia.

His Papa has red hair (when he actually lets it grow.)

And there is some red hair on my side of the family, too. My mom's dad and her brothers: redheads.

Also, fyi, a 2002 study showed that redheads are harder to sedate than any other people, requiring 20 percent more anesthesia. Good to know, in case Emmett's behavior ever requires that I knock him out...

Greta asked: What is one thing you wish you would have done before having kids that you didn't?

My answer: Simply stated, I wish Dave and I would have lived a little longer as a married couple before we had our children. I read your blog, Greta, and it makes me kind of sad that Dave and I will have to wait to do some of the things that you and Nate are doing now until Rubin is 18... Oh, except for the whole Branson thing. I think we'll skip that one all together.

Krista asked: How have you found parenting to differ (if at all) from Emmett and Theo to Rubin? And, what is your all time FAVORITE book?

My answer: Another really great question that has caused me to pause, multiple times, and consider...

I can honestly tell you, Krista, that I do parent Rubin differently than I parent Emmett and Theo. And I parent Emmett differently than I parent Rubin and Theo. And... you probably get the picture.

Actually, I wish I was better at parenting them each in a way that was specific to their own little personalities, temperaments, needs... (see my answer to Christine's question, above.) But there are only so many hours in a day, right?

I find it difficult to draw any comparisons. Even though Emmett and Theo both came to me by birth and Rubin by adoption... each beginning is completely it's own. And the relationships that I have with each of them are just as different as the color of hair on their heads. All things considered.

And, my all time favorite book is Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood. Have you read it?

Greta and Becca's Uncle Todd asked: What will your action/response be when the first boy gets his first sports cup and turns to one of the other brothers with legs spread and says "kick me"...

My answer: It's quite simple, Uncle Todd. My response will be, "Daaaaaaaave!!! Get in here and take care of YOUR sons!"

Michelle asked: Little Rubin, how do you keep up with your older brothers?

My answer: Michelle, have you seen the movie Cars? Are you familiar with Tow Mader, and his uncanny ability to drive backwards? That's our Rubin.