Blah-g.

I just haven't been feelin' it.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm back to work and a bit more busy?

Or, if it's because I think my camera is broken and I hate every picture I/it takes?

Maybe it's because I'm getting sick of feeling, when I'm living, like I need to remember how it felt so that I can write about it, or I'm writing about it in my head while it's happening and I don't feel like I'm really living it?? Or I'm looking at it through my viewfinder and... oh, you get the picture. (And if you don't, I feel like I always do...)

Either way, I'm feeling blah-g. I'm thinking about taking a break. And I'm writing about it, too.

So, there.

I want to remember...

...how Theo makes the biggest production of telling his baby brothers how proud he is of them each time they accomplish a new task, from counting to ten (Emmett) to mastering the art of backing down the stairs (Rubin). 

...how Emmett says "blue." And "Mommy."  And, well, just everything that Emmett says.

...being able to tell that Rubin is tired when he starts tumbling (as in sideways somersaults) and stumbling around like a miniature drunken sailor.  It's so terribly endearing it *almost* makes me want to keep him awake.

...the way that Emmett blinks slowly, deliberately, when he is getting to know someone new.  

...that despite "losing" his "baby" spot to him, Emmett asks for Rubin first thing each and every morning, and can hardly wait to hear him over the monitor so he can rush in and love him.

...how Theo makes introductions, as in "this is my friend Noah!" And how he refers to his cousins Gabe and Lucy as his friends.

...when Theo asked me if Obama was his friend MJ's president, too?

...how Emmett calls Rubin's N*ike romper his "moon" shirt, because of the swoosh.

...the exhaustion I feel at the end of almost every day now. And how good it feels, even when our day was bad, because I know that it means we're putting our everything into these boys.  It isn't always fun, and it's rarely easy.  But it's full of life and love, and so worth it.      

Waffle Wednesday

i spent a good portion of tonight making and freezing waffles.

clearly, we needed more breakfast options.

Breakfast

This is how my conversation about breakfast went with Emmett today:

Me: Emmett, what do you want for breakfast?

Emmett: I want popscal (popsicle).

Me: Sweetie, you can't have a popsicle for breakfast.

Emmett: I want blue one.

Me: Emmett, you can't have a blue popsicle for breakfast. That is a treat. For breakfast we need to eat a healthy food.

Emmett: I want donut for beckfest (breakfest).

Me:  Donuts aren't a healthy food, either.

Emmett: I want corn.

Schooled.

I am headed back to work tomorrow morning, after being home with my boys now for the past 12 weeks. I can not believe how quickly these last 3 months have passed...

It seems like just yesterday morning (April 22nd) I was standing in front of Ms. Jones' class when my cell phone rang out with our travel call...  Without even looking, I knew exactly who it was, and I knew exactly why she was calling. Our social worker was surprised at how "calm" I was, and asked me if I was excited.  (Of course, she knew that was a silly question...) She asked me why I wasn't "freaking out?"  

I remember telling her, "J.D., this is the 3rd time (becoming parents) for us.  I have a lot of work to do now, in a very short time.  I'll freak out when I'm on that airplane."

I learned very distinct lessons each time one of my sons entered our lives. If asked, I could narrow it down to one emphatic message that replayed itself over and over in the early days of our lives together, as I was getting to know each of these boys. With Theo, it was, "It isn't all about me, and I am not in control."  

And with Emmett came knowing, "There is no limit to how much I can love."

The theme that has been resounding all around me and inside of me and through and through and through me since the first moment I laid my eyes on my youngest child, my baby boy , has been, "I am so much stronger than I ever could have realized without you."

Of course, the lessons abound when I take all three of them into consideration, at the same time. Perhaps one of my favorites is:

~Being a neat freak and a mother to 3 little boys under the age of 5 are not mutually agreeable roles.  In order to maintain some semblance of sanity, I have to relinquish one... and my boys aren't going anywhere!!

And, three more lessons JUST from today:

~Always store spackling paste in high, secure places.  If it's quiet in the mud room, spackle just might be the reason why.

~Never allow Emmett, Rubin, AND Puddles in the bathroom immediately after Theo has gone potty. Especially if he's forgotten to flush. 

AND (perhaps my favorite...)

~Poop goes in the potty. NOT on the kitchen floor. (The song might have forgotten to mention that last piece.)

I'm not sure if it's because I'm *a little* emotional about returning to work this week (I thought I was going to be okay! I'm supposed to be an old hat at this!) or I've just reached my breaking point and I'm flipping delirious... Either way, I have to say:

I've loved every minute I've had with each of these boys. Every wonderful, awful, dirty, loud, crazy, unorganized, nail-biting, hair-pulling, squealing, appealing second. I'll take the poopy lessons with the warm-fuzzy ones any day of the week. I'm so proud of everything they've taught me already, and I can't wait to learn more, more, more.

  

A link

I wanted to share the link to my friend Dave's blog, especially for my friends through the adoption process.

He arrived in Korea safely.

You can follow his journey here.

A reason why.

My friend and colleague, Dave, is leaving on Friday morning for Korea.

A Korean adoptee, Dave came "home" when he was six years old. 

On Friday, he is going home.

To get to know a country and a language and, hopefully, a family that he left behind so many years ago.

He began this journey last summer, taking language lessons in Seoul and volunteering at Eastern... where he once lived.

It was a few photos of him there, holding a newborn baby and, later, playing with some older children who were waiting for their forever families that gave Dave and I the push we were waiting for.

Toward Rubin.

He is one of our reasons why...

I know that Dave is probably feeling many of the same things that he felt over 20 years ago when he made the exact same "one-way" trip, in reverse: fear, loneliness, uncertainty, confusion...

And I also know that he's carrying the same spirit and soul with him on Friday that he did when he was six: this is one of the bravest, strongest and gentlest, most determined beings I have ever known.

I am so proud of him. I am so. incredibly. proud.  Every time I am asked to answer the question, as many adoptive parents are, "why?"...  I am appreciative and honored that I am able to speak of this man.

Dave, 

I'm not certain where this journey is going to take you.  I know that you have questions about your past, and I pray with all of my heart, for yours, that you find answers.

No matter what happens, know this much is true:

 

 

How sweet it is.

A visual account of lunch time today with 3 little boys who love sweet corn:

13 months old

Rubin is 13 months old today...

Here is what he's been up to:

Our boy (as you have seen) is walking all over the place! He picked this up quickly, going from a couple of steps here and there to practically running overnight!  I love that he is walking now. He is so incredibly happy to (try to) keep up with his brothers in play.  He is determined to be elbow to elbow with them at everything they do... from swimming and water play to playing with trucks and balls and bikes.  He isn't afraid to stick his neck out and see where it gets him. He fits right in.

One of the things that we've been "struggling" with the most is eating. Rubin came to us accustomed to eating three main foods: rice cereal, applesauce, and mashed bananas.  When he came home he had 6 teeth, and really didn't know how to use any of them!! I had to spoon feed him everything, and he would gag on anything more solid than... yogurt!!  Rubin has 8 teeth now, and he's eating almost everything that we are. I am still mostly grinding up his meat and his veggies. But he's becoming quite good at eating his fruit whole. He LOVES melon and blueberries, and is getting better at chewing pasta and cheese. He's been completely off of formula since his first birthday, and loves his bottle of warm milk before his naps and at bedtime.

Rubin has been sleeping like a champion. We've settled into a wonderful night time routine. It's not an easy feat for me, as Dave is usually working and I have three boys to feed/bathe/put to sleep. But we've found a pretty good groove. Rubin is usually in bed and asleep with little effort between 7:30 and 8pm.  For weeks now, I've been able to lay him in bed after his bottle, most often times he is wide awake... and he soothes himself to sleep all on his own. No crying, usually just sing-songy talking.  He sleeps until 4 or 5am, wakes me up by yelling at me (again, usually no tears, just "Hey, Mama, I'm thirsty in here!!"), drinks some more milk, and sleeps again until 8 or 8:30am.  

Most days Rubin is still taking 2 naps (a short and long one), however I think we are getting closer and closer to paring him down to one.  One of my favorite things about him is how he always wakes up happy, talking to himself in his room (practicing his English, I like to say) until one of us makes it up to get him.  I love listening to him over the monitor for a few minutes, but his brothers are always quick to make it to his bedside. I can understand why, as he always greets them with the widest grin.

Rubin loves dogs.  Dave's parents' dog, our neighbors' dogs. Big and small.  I, myself, am not a huge canine fan. But I can't help feeling endeared when my baby boy's eyes light up and his body lurches forward with all it's might to get his hands on a dog.  

Just in the last couple of days, Rubin has begun saying, "Papa!" When he sees Dave after any period of absence, he points at him and repeats, "Papa, Papa, Papa!!" I love it, and I can't wait until it's my turn. 

Crazy? 8's

It's been a while since I was last tagged, but, Joanna got me! And so, here it goes, my lists of 8...

Things I'm looking forward to:

Another night off with my husband tonight and

a long run with Krista in the morning.

Rubin saying, "Mama,"

and sleeping through the night.

W.O.W. and

the 2010 Disney Full Marathon.

A second annual Mexican getaway for 2 and

a true family vacation for 5 next summer.

Things I did yesterday:

Yoga with Katie and Jessica and

a bike ride with Theo.

Had Smokey John's barbecue for dinner (root beer floats for dessert) with the M-M family and

watched Gran Torino with Dave.

Ate green peas and

drank green tea.

Laughed and

cried.

Things I wish I could do:

Shave a minute off of my mile, keeping the pace up for 13 miles and

headstand without a spotter.

Have four GNOs with Becca, Erin, and Norbyah, in each of our cities and

have a date night with Dave in each one, too.

Master white balance and aperture and

pick up that macro lens.

Build (by myself) Theo and Emmett a train table and

a beautiful arbor for our yard.

(I think this is where things were supposed to get "crazy." The last topic was "Shows I watch" which didn't really seem to fit with the other topics? and there is NO WAY I can come up with 8. And so, I'm mixing things up and changing the final list to...)

Things I will never do (and I NEVER say never!):

Give up drinking Coke or

eating chocolate.

(Oooooh, I've never gone here before...) Vote for Sarah Palin or

Hillary Clinton.

Become a vegetarian or

a veterinarian (I'm running out of ideas, here...)

Give up on my children or

my husband.

Now, YOU are it! Leave your 8s in my comment section OR let me know there that you are going to post them on your blog. I'm anxious to read YOUR list. (Yeah, I'm talking to YOU!!)

 

Wordless Wednesday

Nothing but the truth.

there ya go, baby., originally uploaded by emilykps.

Exactly two months ago today I brought our baby boy home from South Korea. I can not believe how quickly time has passed. I know that in what will seem like the blink of an eye I will be writing, "Exactly one year ago today I brought our baby boy home from South Korea..."

My, oh my. Time certainly does fly.

In just two weeks I am headed back to work. I have to be honest and share that I am just as excited as I am anxious about my return. The last couple of weeks here have been draining, and oftentimes I think about how much less intense, less stressful my work (not conventionally "peaceful") away from home will be. I would be lying if I didn't write about the almost equal measures of joy and frustration, fulfillment and desperation that parenting these three boys has brought me in the past 9 weeks. And I find comfort (I'm sorry, but I do) knowing that those of you who are already parents and are reading this can relate to every single word that I write. What can I say? Misery loves company.

I couldn't help but share this photo of Emmett, because it perfectly sums up how we roll here, some days. It could have stood alone beautifully as a "Wordless Wednesday" post. But I needed to vent a bit, I needed to write down some of these words. After all, part of the reason I keep this blog is to help defer the cost of psychotherapy. And, after this past week, I've been feeling over due for some time on my "virtual" couch.

Happy Independence Day

Let there be big, bright, beautiful 

fireworks in your future!!

A girl fix amidst all of this boyness.

I got my hands on Nora for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon. It's amazing to me how the presence of this 2-year-old girl can change the atmosphere in my household almost instantly. My sister claims that this sweetie pie is becoming a bit of a handful. I don't buy any of it.

Emmett is so smitten with his blonde-haired, blue-eyed cousin. Maybe it's the way they came to be, growing in their mamas' tummies at exactly the same time? Just one day separated our due dates; Nora made her appearance on Emmett's due date, just 8 days before Emmett was born.

Maybe we forged a special bond between them when we bumped tummies for this photo?

Whatever it was, it's been LOVE, since the beginning of their time.

(Bear with me, here... I've been feeling ridiculously nostalgic...)

As I was looking back this morning, I was so thankful to have so many pictures of these two little firecrackers together. I can't wait to take more, as they go from 2 to 4 to 24.  I hope their relationship is always as unique as it was when it started. Our "twins."

What have I done?

Looks like I better get my rear in gear, as I'm officially registered to run 26.2 in Florida come January.

What in the heck were we thinking?!

Wordless Wednesday. WITHOUT words.