is from our very first This Family Squish Giveaway prize winner, Catherine.
(I put your books in the mail, today!!)
Catherine asked: Well, since sleep (and the lack of it) is my favorite topic these days, I'd like to know if you have any helpful tips for getting Daniel to sleep through the night?
My answer:
Oh, Catherine.
Let me say this, first:
I am hoping that the sleep situation has improved at your house this week.
One thing I have learned during my 4 years and almost 8 months of motherhood is that I worry about and work on one issue only to have it resolve itself. And suddenly, I'm faced with an entirely different struggle. Ah, motherhood.
So, while I am wishing that in the past few days Daniel has fallen into a great sleep pattern, I know how unrealistic that might be, and so I will offer you this:
I was NOT BLESSED with good sleepers in Theo and Emmett (my sisters can attest to this fact.) Neither of them slept through the night consistently until they were WELL into their 2nd year of life. You name it, I tried it: co-sleeping, swaddling, heartbeat bears, music, night lights, white noise, yada, yada, yada...
I remember the first night I let Theo, my oldest, cry it out like it was yesterday. It was Christmas Eve of 2005. He was 8 months old and still waking MULTIPLE TIMES (like, 4 or 5) every. single. NIGHT. I would get him to sleep with little to no effort and 45 minutes later, like clockwork, he would be awake. Wanting to eat. Wanting to visit. Wanting to play. I had had enough. My husband was working 2nd shift and I was always handling it on my own.
I couldn't take it anymore.
And so, I armed myself with my iP*od and when the crying began, I blasted it.
The Indigo Girls, I think.
He cried for about 30 minutes before falling asleep. And he only woke up TWICE that night (it was heavenly.)
The next night it happened again. But he only cried for about 5 minutes and only woke up ONCE. With letting him cry it out, I got rid of that first wake up (right after he first went down...) and limited his night waking substantially.
Like I said, he didn't start sleeping ALL THE WAY through the night consistently until he was about 18 months old. And Emmett, too, was well over a year... And, to this day we STILL go through periods of sleeplessness. Still with Theo, and with Emmett.
Enter, Rubin. Rubinski. The Big Rub-owski.
I am not sure what I did to deserve such an amazing little snoozer.
But I got him.
And I haven't had to think much, at all, about solving sleep problems for my (adopted) child. I know that, if I had to, I would have SO MUCH MORE to consider than I did when I was struggling with Theo and Emmett. I can face it: this is one area where my parenting would HAVE to be a little bit different.
At least for a while.
But I haven't had to go there.
Rubin had about a 4 week adjustment period when we got home from Korea. He has slept exceptionally well ever since. 11-12 hours each night. And now he is down to just one nap each afternoon, that usually lasts between 1.5 and 3 hours. (I realize that I risk alienation from many other moms to toddlers with this last paragraph. But heck, Catherine asked!)
So, without further ado.
These are two books that I found to be extremely helpful when we were less than rested around here. They are very, very different. But I used bits and pieces from each one. I found advice in both places that proved to be helpful, at times. And comforting, at others.
What I learned through all of our sleep issues (and our breast-feeding issues, and our eating issues, and every issue that we face on a DAILY BASIS) is that each of us (parents) just needs to do the best that we can do for our children. Leave judgment at the door.
And, if it's any comfort, I CAN tell you that my mom let ALL OF HER CHILDREN cry it out at some point during our childhoods. Her bio AND her adopted babies. Because she probably got to a point (I know that I did with Theo and Emmett) where it was either A) let them cry or B) throw them out the window.
And we've all (all 7 of us) turned out fairly normal. Right, sisters? (twitch, twitch)
12 comments:
First, those books ROCK. Seriously. And as someone who has had, uhm, significant issues with their adopted child sleeping through the night... I will say that a modified version of the cry it out method is what worked for us as well. Adopted or bio, sometimes it's just a power play! Although, while we're still not in the land of blissful sleep, we're getting there... slowly but surely.
18 months huh?! I'm getting there!! :-)
Wait - did I just hijack your answer there?! Sorry. I just can't control myself when it comes to this subject!
Ok, totally jealous of Rubin, but I gotta say, I do not envy the problems with your first two. It actually made me think (and I totally don't mean this offensively!) that one of the perks of an adopted child (from Korea) is that the foster mom has done so much of the hard work of getting our kids to sleep well(ish) by the time we get them. Christine, I don't know what to say to you... Except you know I'd wave my magic wand and make your sleep problems disappear if I could.
But back to the point. Emily, thank you for sharing this so honestly!!! I always appreciate a blunt and honest answer from other moms, esp. on topics like this one.
great honest answer. I too, let my now 2 1/2 year old cry it out at 10 months, and although it was hard, it was so worth it. and, I read both of the books that em recommends (along with just about every other book on the subject) and they are two of the best.
I've got 2 great sleepers and 1 that I battled with for over a year. Since there is no biological relation there--can't blame that. Julia and Chewie--hit the bed and they were out! Chewie from the day we brought him home. Then there is Rauan. Rauan is the reason I went to Toys R Us without telling Ted and bought a toddler bed--cause he flipped himself over the bedrail. Rauan is the reason for numerous holes in the walls, broken toys, big HUGE hole in the door. Put him to bed and he threw a fit. Total power play. He was my "mommy needs a time out" kid. Still have it once in a while--but now he hits the bed--voluntarily!!--and is out. Like his brother and sister. I'm a big believer in the cry it out--ie the busted walls, doors, etc LOL--life with kids isn't boring at all!
Wait...you mean babies don't just sleep through the night?!
Great post! I enjoyed this. Normal??? hee hee
oh. sleep. ever elusive. a good night for me is if cally only gets up twice. seriously. almost 10 months. but i'm not surprised. michael was getting up consistently until about 18 months or so. we tried to get him to cry it out --he didn't take to well to being transferred to his room at 6 months....and well, he crawled right out of his cot, bam! onto the hardwood floor. i think i actually flew into his room that night. i vowed never to do it again, but found myself piling the sofa cushions on the floor next to the cot. ella took a pacifier and was the dream sleeper. all three get up at the sparrow's fart each morning. i swear, a tiny glint of light in their bedroom and they are ready to go. unless it's a week day and then you have to drag them out. oh, so much to say about sleep.
xo
i went with aunt connie's tried and true method of the nightly nip of blackberry brandy... Gabe took the longest, sleeping through the night at 4 months. kidding on the brandy, not kidding on having good baby sleepers. but then they hit about 18 months and began trying to escape their rooms. it's always something. and we are just as NORMAL as any other family with 7 very different sibs.
Okay, if Jessica can brag then I will too. Ethan slept through pretty consistently starting at 4 1/2 mos. However, he also wakes up at the sparrow's fart. Norbyah, that is my new favorite saying.
I have both of those books on my nightstand. I read the no-cry one in a matter of a few days about a week or so after we came home. The other one I've read some of, but haven't finished. I wish I could say our little guy is sleeping through the night...but he is not...yet. He has a few times, but usually wakes once per night. Could be worse...could be better...I'll leave it at that.
Hi, it's 1:47 a.m. at my house. The sleep issues got better for awhile, but now they're bad again (waking 4 - 5 times per night). Just put him down for the 4th time, and thought I'd take a look at your answer, hoping and praying that you would have some magical, mystical cure that I could use tonight that would forever rid us of these sleepless nights! I know... I've always been a total dreamer.
However, I do appreciate your honest post, and I am going to order those books right away. I borrowed them from the library and scanned them when we first brought D home, but I think these might be books that I should own and keep on hand for reference.
Thank you so much for this post. Although you didn't have the magical cure, reading your answer made me feel better. I know you're right that this issue will eventually resolve itself.
I got the books... THANK YOU!!! I think I'll start "The Weight of Silence" tonight (er - this morning?).
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